When Only A Mama Will Do - A Visit to Austin

I imagined he would move away and never need his mama again. Always trying to do his own thing - to find his own way. He would usually come back around at some point, only to push off again to pursue whatever was calling him at that moment. His growth has almost always been a bit painful for me - he is not good with words - and they come off sharp and prickly to a mama's heart when she is trying to learn how to let go in all of the ways he needs.

I said good-bye to him on that August morning in 2025 thinking that he would never really need me again - that he was officially an adult now and that he would fill his life with other relationships - that the necessity of a mama is only for the growing years. 

As time passed (and he tolerated my almost daily Facetiming calls), something changed in him and perhaps, even in me. It was harder than he thought to build a new life from scratch. Harder to find the kind of quality people he wanted to build a tribe of his own out of. Sure, he was meeting people and having new experiences, and he even fell in love with the city of Austin, but...it was different than he thought it would be. Not in a regretful kind of way, but in a maybe I don't want to be my own island kind of way. 

I offered to come down in January which he readily agreed to. I figured that he would only want me to stay for a few days at the most, but he asked me to stay longer, and so I did. I stayed for a week and took care of my boy. We spent time on trails and at parks. We went downtown. We ended up spending every waking moment together when he wasn't working, and it was absolutely wonderful. 

While he was at work, I did his laundry, cleaned his apartment, made dinner, bought groceries and some furniture for his apartment that he needed. I took care of my child in all of the comforting ways you can when you are both adults. I made his burdens lighter and brought the essence of home to him.

He loved being taken care of and I loved taking care of him. 

I thought that once my children were grown and out on their own, they would no longer need me. That my role would transition to something else, but I was wrong. I realized this visit that there are some aches that only a mama can heal, some comfort only a mama can give, and some love only a mama can offer. 

I need not worry for the rest of my days about what role I will have in my kids' lives. I am their mama - a special, one-of-a-kind role, that for my children, only I can fill. What a beautiful gift. 

Me and my boy in Austin, TX.